actually, I'm a sock model
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
