Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
