Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
