on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
