you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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