guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
