Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
