I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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