Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
