Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize