Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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