the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
