What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can you bring me the toilet please
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