if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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