Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
