I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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