Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
