I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
