I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't think brook has ever known best
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
