I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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