why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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