Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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