Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
