wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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