Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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