dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
