I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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