You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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