There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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