i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
