i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
