im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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