I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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