it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
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