I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
