Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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