Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
