It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
