I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
smell my finger.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
