my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
