I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
