Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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