I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
