Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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