i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
