found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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