Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
