This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
