So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
