There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
