the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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