I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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