Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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