After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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