There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
