This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
