i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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