you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
