My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
