we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
