whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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