sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
