You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
