hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
