Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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