My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
