i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize