Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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