He is an equal opportunity slut.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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