just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize