Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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