Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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