guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
