I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
