He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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