I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
