just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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