I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
