capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize